Out of the Ashes

I have spent some time this evening lost in morose and depressing thoughts, having made of my reflection a thing devoid of indigenous purpose and beset by cowardice; unwilling to seek independence for fear of the consequences of failure…or success.

I had believed I was without worth. I had believed I was dead.

But before I could put pen to paper and so consign myself to fate, something said no. I am not sure where this defiance came from, only that it rose from the ashes of a thought progression that would have lead to the entombing fugue of despair.  Neither am I certain of where I will emerge when I have freed myself from this cage. I can, however, say this: one day I shall know my purpose, and on that day I will see the forces of opposition tremble in fear, for I shall be as the arrow from the bow and none will stand before me.

It is not enough to simply exist. Life is for the living. Tremble beyond the bars of my cage: I will wake soon.

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One comment on “Out of the Ashes

  1. ladyimbrium says:

    I wondered at this, and worried, and then I read the next entry- particularly the part about the beast in its cage. I’m sorry, but I had to have a small dark chuckle over that one. The beast is the life force- it will refuse at all times to give up and give over. It’s wild and would gladly visit violence on whatever threatens it. Now the hard part: to assimilate the power of the beast without losing your conscious control and awareness of consequences. The more your rational side gets caught up in the darkness, the more the beast becomes furious. Your man-self is dangerously depressed and flirts with actions that would harm the beast-self, so the beast-self rails in confusion and primal rage at this self which would harm the self.

    It’s a dangerous and often traumatic situation. This at least is my recollection of similar. The problem always seems to be that the pain and fear of the beast-self only fuels the depression of the man-self, which worsens the situation. It may require a constant conscious effort to change the pattern. It can, however, be changed.

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