Roaming Gnome: A Recent Recap

Hello, Internet. I have been away from you for a while. The reasons for my absence are many and of varying levels of importance, but, suffice to say, I have been very busy with my home and work life of late and have not found the time for musings, meanderings or even well-thought-out complaints. Hence: no blogs for a spell.

However, there is joyous news for me: I just got a new job! (And there was much rejoicing.) The ‘where’ and ‘with whom’ must needs remain vague, but expect the occasional update on the ‘what’ of the goings-on.

Additionally, I have said my formal goodbyes to a place that has become near and dear to my heart; my quiet little college town in North What-the-crap, New York. Unfortunately, since subletting would have been incredibly impractical from so far away, I’m still paying rent on the ol’ place until July. [expletive] I have left behind me there a handful of close friends and a great host of casual acquaintances. I believe I now know how a potted shrub feels when it is transplanted. And yet, grateful as I am to be back in the garden bed to take root for a time, I find myself somewhat wistful and morose.

To add to the recap: I went to Canada last week. My first trip outside my native land was something of a disappointment. I tend to dislike cities: too much humanity in one place and too far removed from the natural world. But, I let a friend convince me to go to Ottawa. Now, for those of you who’ve never been there, Ottawa has a population of over 900,000 and the city itself is as cluttered and close-together as the downtown areas of Boston, NYC, Washington DC and Baltimore. On top of that, the parking lots all had toll gates and the signs were in very small print. Had I been able to afford to park somewhere and wander the city on foot, I have no doubt I would have found something worthwhile to do or to see, but as it was, I was virtually trapped in the cab of my truck and wound up just turning back for home.

Despite the disappointing environs and the prodigious cost of gas involved, I do not consider the trip a waste of time. I had a chance to leave my homeland and my comfort zone and have had my intrinsic desire to travel stoked. Unfortunately, with the national economy in something of a shambles, I had to stay local and find a J-O-B, (as they say), to meet expenses. Between that and the two farms that call me up to work from time to time I seem to be stuck here, so it was nice to get out and go places while I had the time.

Spring has sprung here in the Mid-Atlantic Rectagon, where the weather changes almost as fast as the song on the radio, and there is much clearing, cleaning, and mending to be done in preparation for our usual long, humid summer. Degree in hand, I must now set aside the scholar and become the craftsman required by circumstance. Hephaestus, I do not pray to you often which, in retrospect, may be fitting as you were always a god of deeds, not words. I pray now that my deeds will be worthy of continued employ, so as not to be a burden on my family’s finances.

And that’s me pretty much caught up. I trust that, wherever you find yourselves, spring proves as promising for you as it is for me.

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Dear Doctor Freud

Saw this in my Facebook feed yesterday and just couldn’t leave well enough alone. Help yourself to my ramblings and know that everything said below is intended as an honest if lighthearted treatment of an oft-neglected social issue.

dressing modestly

On the subject of the modesty of women’s clothing, I, as a man, am often simply dismissed as a biased party. Which is entirely fair, since I am.

However, and somehow you just knew there was going to be a ‘however,’ I feel I have found a way to justify the positions of men everywhere who are enticed by the sight of a scantily clad female.

Men, and please be honest, we like having sex, don’t we? Of course we do; we should. It’s a biological and psychological drive and repressing those can get nasty in a hurry. Besides which, it’s good for you: like any other organs in the body, sex organs stay healthier longer if they are used on a regular basis. So, men, get off once in a while. It’s for your own good. Women, we appreciate your assistance with this process, either in person or in absentia. (In other words: Yay! Porn!)

I am somewhat, and reasonably, dubious of the idea that a provocative woman can cause seismic activity, (although if the old adage about a butterfly’s wing flap causing tsunamis holds up, I’m sure rocking my couch could set off the Richter scale somewhere). And I would argue that even the most sexually active and intrinsically alluring woman in the world could not corrupt a man’s morality; she simply unleashes his thinly veiled immorality. I would also suggest that morals which restrict one’s basic psycho- and biological impulses ought to be revised for the health of the general population, but that’s an argument for another day.

Having spent this much time discussing the benefits sexual freedom gives the male half of the world, I think it important to touch on the pros and cons afforded the female population. Unfortunately, I have, for genetic reasons, no personal frame of reference in that area. So, ladies, please chime in and let us know what works and what doesn’t.  Men are not mind readers, (we never have been, we never will be), and if you want the most out of the experience we’re going to at least need a hint once in a while.

In short, what I suppose I’m arguing for here is honesty and fact. We all have our sexual proclivities, whatever they may be, and I encourage you to 1) take a moment to figure out for sure what works for you, and 2) pursue a partner, (or partners, I don’t judge), who will fulfill your desires. The only “rules” I would advocate are these: keep it consensual and do it where no one who doesn’t want to see it has to see it. And, please, when you hear people spouting off this stuff about immorality and societal corruption, (or earthquakes), just leave them alone. Those of us who know how to enjoy our bodies responsibly and respectfully will continue to do so and leave the rest to their misery. So be honest with yourselves and with each other, and don’t be afraid to laugh about it: sex is supposed to be fun.

If you made it this far, I thank you for your diligence. My rants often make more sense to me than to anyone else. I meant what I said above. I invite comments on this topic; part of the problem behind the problem is the lack of frank discussion on the subject.